Moulin Rouge!
by 09ergirl
Summary: AU.She is a prostitute, he is a writer. She can't fall in love, he thinks that all you need is love. Come what may she'll fly away and maybe they will finally be heroes, even if it’s only for one night.Moulin Rouge.
1. AN

AN:Sorry if sometimes it says Whitey instead of Andy or Nathan instead of Felix. Just a mistake while I was typing.


	2. A True Bohemian Revolutionary

**TITLE:** Moulin Rouge!

**PAIRING:** Brooke/Lucas

**RATING:** PG

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own OTH, if I did Brucas would totally be together and Nathan would divorce Haley. I don't own Moulin Rouge, Baz Luhrmann's the man.

**SUMMARY:** She is a prostitute, he is a writer. She can't fall in love, he thinks that all you need is love. Come what may she'll fly away and maybe they will finally be heroes, even if it's only for one night. AU.

* * *

**CAST**

Christian : Lucas Chambers

Satine : Brooke Davis

Toulouse-Lautrec : Marvin 'Mouth' McFadden

The Unconscious Argentinean : Felix Tagarro

Harold Zidler : Dan Scott

The Duke of Monroth : Nathan Lee

Satie : Jake Jagielski

The Doctor : Andy Hargrove

Le Chocolat : Skills

Nini Legs In The Air : Rachel Gatina

Marie : Haley James

La Petite Princess : Bevin Mirskey

China Doll : Millicent Huxtable

The Green Fairy : Peyton Sawyer

Audrey : Chris Keller

Mome Fromage : Karen Roe

Christian's Father : Keith Chambers

* * *

**M**oulin **R**ouge

* * *

**Chapter 1**: A True Revolutionary Bohemian

* * *

A theatre. A red velvet curtain framed by a gilt proscenium arch fills the screen. Jake stands in front of the curtain and raises his arms to conduct the Orchestra. As the music finishes, the curtains close. As the Orchestra strikes up "The Sound of Music", the curtains open again, to reveal silent-film-era title cards, lit from behind, with a windmill logo at the top. Moulin Rouge! Behind the words, shadows of a can-can dancer and top hats bobbing. The music stops, then begins again with a haunting tune.

**Los Angeles, 1900.**

Mouth, dressed in his magical sitar costume, stands on the roof of the Moulin Rouge windmill and sings.

**MOUTH:**

_**There was a boy, **_

_**A very strange enchanted boy.**_

_**They say he wandered very far,**_

_**Very far. . .**_

Los Angeles cityscape. As Mouth continues off-screen, push in over the rooftops and down towards the gate to Hollywood.

**MOUTH:**

**_Over land and sea._**

_**A little shy. . . **_

A Priest stands by the gate, Bible in hand and intones over MOUTH's singing:

**PRIEST:**

Turn away from this village of sin, for it is a veritable Sodom and Gomorrah.

**MOUTH**:

_**. . .And sad of eye. . .**_

Continue through the gates of Hollywood, past prostitutes and drunks.

**MOUTH**:

_**. . .But very wise was he. . .**_

There's a large red sign over a window: L'Amour.

**MOUTH**:

_**. . .And then one day. . .**_

Through the window into a dark, dirty little room littered with papers and bottles. Crouched in a corner, head in his arms, clutching a bottle, is our hero, Lucas, a young man sunk in the depths of despair.

**MOUTH:**

_**. . .One magic day,**_

_**He passed my way. . .**_

Lucas slowly looks over at his typewriter, in the moonlight by the window.

**MOUTH:**

_**. . .While we spoke of many things. . .**_

Lucas stands in front of his typewriter, staring at it.

**MOUTH: **

_. . .__**Fools and kings. . .**_

He puts a piece of paper in the typewriter.

**MOUTH:**

_**. . .This he said to me:**_

Lucas begins to type.

**LUCAS:**

_**'The greatest thing you'll ever learn**_

_**Is just to love and be loved in return.'**_

Shows the windmill of the abandoned Moulin Rouge.

**LUCAS**: _The Moulin Rouge…_

Colour flashes back to the dance floor in its heyday: Can-Can dancers, Clowns, Rakes.

**LUCAS**: …_a nightclub, a dancehall and a bordello. . ._

Dan pokes his head through the red velvet curtains.

**DAN**: The Moulin Rouge!

Prostitutes, Can-Can Dancers flash their knickers, old men leer at them.

**LUCAS**:. . ._ruled over by Dan Scott. A kingdom of night-time pleasures where the rich and powerful came to play with the young and beautiful creatures of the underworld. _

Brooke, superimposed over the ruined windmill and garden of the Moulin Rouge.

**LUCAS**: _The most beautiful of all these was the woman I loved. Brookee. A courtesan, she sold her love to men. They called her "the sparkling diamond", and she was the star of the Moulin Rouge._

Lucas stops typing and looks out the window at the abandoned Moulin Rouge.

**LUCAS**: _The woman I loved is dead._

Lucas resumes typing.

**LUCAS**: _I first came to Paris one year ago. _

Quickly pull back, out of the Moulin Rouge, out of Hollywood, through the streets of LA, and back to the view of the Los Angeles cityscape. Night turns into day, and sepia brightens into colour.

**LUCAS**: _It was 1899, the summer of love._

Push back in, towards a train station.

**LUCAS**: _I knew nothing of the Moulin Rouge, Dan Scott, or Brooke._

Lucas steps off a train, suitcase in one hand and typewriter in the other.

**LUCAS**: _The world had been swept up in bohemian revolution, and I had traveled from Tree Hill to be a part of it. _

Lucas walks through the bourgeois streets of Los Angeles until he reaches the gate to Hollywood. He stops and stares.

**LUCAS**: _On a hill near Los Angels was the village of Hollywood. It was not, as my father had said_.

**KEITH**: A village of sin!

Back to Hollywood, now in vivid colour.

**LUCAS**: _. . .but the centre of the Bohemian world. . ._

Push in through the gate, and past the same prostitutes and drunks, now lively bohemian musicians.

**LUCAS**: _. . .with musicians, painters, and writers._

**MUSICIAN**:

**Of the revolution…**

**LUCAS**: _They were known as the "children of the revolution". _

Push in towards the same garret, and through the window.

**LUCAS**: _Yes, I had come to live a penniless existence._

Pan round the room, now tidy and brightly lit. Lucas stands looking out the window at the Moulin Rouge. The landlady holds up the key.

**LUCAS**: _I had come to write about truth, beauty, freedom. . . _

Lucas takes his typewriter out of its case and feeds a piece of paper into it.

**LUCAS**: . . ._and that which I believed in above all things, love._

**KEITH**: Always this ridiculous obsession with love!

Lucas is sitting in front of his typewriter.

**LUCAS**: _There was just one problem. I had never been in love. _

Lucas's hands pause over the typewriter keys.

**LUCAS**: _Luckily, right at that moment an unconscious Argentinean fell through my roof. _

Felix falls through his roof. Lucas leaps to his feet.

**LUCAS**: _He was quickly joined by a dwarf dressed as a nun._

Mouth throws open the door to Lucas's room. Lucas stares.

**MOUTH**: How do you do? My name is Marvin Mouth McFadden.

**LUCAS**: What?

**MOUTH**: I'm terribly sorry about all this. We're just upstairs rehearsing a play.

**LUCAS**: What?

Cut to Lucas writing the story, a year later.

**LUCAS**: _A_ _play, something very modern called "Spectacular Spectacular". _

Back to Lucas and Mouth.

**MOUTH**: And it's set in Switzerland!

**LUCAS**: _Unfortunately, Felix suffered from a sickness called Narcolepsy._

**MOUTH**: Perfectly fine one moment, then suddenly unconscious the next.

The other three bohemians appear above the hole in the ceiling.

**JAKE**: How is he?

**CHRIS**: Wonderful. Felix the Narcolepsian is now unconscious, and therefore the scenario will not be finished in time to present to the financier tomorrow.

**JAKE**: He's right Mouth. I still have to finish the music.

**MOUTH**: We'll just find someone to read the part.

**CHRIS**: Oh, where in heaven's name are we going to find someone to read the role of a young sensitive Swiss poet/ goatherder?

All look at Lucas.

**LUCAS**: _Before I knew it, I was upstairs standing in for Felix._

Upstairs, in Mouth's studio. Lucas, now dressed in Felix's Swiss poet/goatherder costume and holding a script, is standing on a ladder in front of a painted backdrop of the Alps. Jake is playing "The Sound of Music" on the absinthesiser, Felix, still unconscious, is lying on the bed, and Chris is overseeing the rehearsal. Mouth, standing in as the nun (Brooke's part), is in mid-song.

**MOUTH: **

_**The hills animate with the euphonious symphonies of descant!**_

**CHRIS:** Oh stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

The music stops.

**CHRIS**: Stop that insufferable droning! It's drowning out my words! Can we please just stick to a little decorative piano?

Cut to Lucas writing the story.

**LUCAS**: _There seemed to be artistic differences over Chris's lyrics to Jake's songs._

Back to the rehearsal.

**ANDY**: I don't think a nun would say that about a hill.

**JAKE**: What if he sings 'the hills are vital, intoning the descant'?

**MOUTH**: No, no. The hills quake and shake…

**ANDY**: No, no, no, no. The hills…

Suddenly, Nathan sits up.

**FELIX:** The hills are incarnate with symphonic melodies!

All look at Felix, as he falls back on the bed, unconscious again.

**ANDY**: No.

**LUCAS**: The hills...

**MOUTH**: No. The hills...

**LUCAS**: The hills…

**MOUTH**: The hills…

**WHITEY: **The hills are chanting the eternal mantra…

**LUCAS**: The hills are alive…

**JAKE:** Frank is living in my foot!

The bohemians begin to argue incoherently about the lyrics. Lucas, still on the ladder, waves his arms in an attempt to get their attention. It fails, so instead he throws back his head and sings:

**LUCAS**:

_**The hills are alive with the sound of music!**_

The bohemians stop arguing and stare at him. There is silence. Then Felix leaps up.

**FELIX**: 'The hills are alive with the sound of music'! I love it!

Lucas looks relieved. The bohemians look thoughtful.

**WHITEY:** The hills...

**MOUTH**: ...are alive...

**JAKE**: ...with the sound of music... it fits perfectly!

Encouraged, Lucas continues.

**LUCAS**:

_**With songs they have sung for a thousand years.**_

Lucas looks hopeful. The bohemians gasp.

**MOUTH**: Incandiferous! Chris, you two should write the show together!

**CHRIS**: I beg your pardon?

[Cut to Lucas writing the story.]

**LUCAS**: _But Mouth's suggestion that Chris and I write the show together was not what Audrey wanted to hear._

Back to Mouth's studio.

**CHRIS**: Goodbye!

Chris exits, slamming the door. The Bohemians are unperturbed.

**MOUTH**: Here's to your first job in Los Angeles!

Mouth raises a glass of absinthe to Lucas, still on the ladder. Lucas looks slightly confused.

**JAKE**: Mouth, Dan will never agree. [turning to Lucas] No offence, but have you ever written anything like this before?

**LUCAS**: No.

**FELIX**: Ah, the boy has talent!

He puts his hand on Lucas's crotch. Lucas gasps.

**FELIX**: I like him!

Removes his hand.

**FELIX**: Nothing funny, I just like talent.

Mouth tries to convince Jake to let Lucas write the show. Lucas listens, interested.

**MOUTH**: 'The hills are alive with the sound of music'—see Jake, with Lucas we can write the truly bohemian revolutionary show that we've always dreamt of!

**JAKE:** But how will we convince Dan?

Cut to Lucas writing the story.

**LUCAS**: _But Mouth had a plan._

Back to Mouth's studio.

**MOUTH**: Brooke

Mouth whispers his plan to the Bohemians while Lucas tries to listen in.

**LUCAS**: _They would dress me in Felix's best suit, and pass me off as a famous writer. Once Brooke heard my modern poetry, she would be astounded, and insist to Dan that I write "Spectacular Spectacular". The only problem was, I kept hearing my father's voice in my head:_

Cut rapidly between Keith in the Victorian parlour, Mouth with a glass of absinthe, and Lucas's widening eyes.

**KEITH**: You'll end up wasting your life at the Moulin Rouge with a can-can dancer!

Back to Mouth's studio.

**LUCAS**: No, I can't write the show for the Moulin Rouge!

Lucas bolts to the ladder in the hole in the floor, and starts to climb down. The Bohemians follow.

**MOUTH**: Why not?

Lucas stops with his head just above the floor. The Bohemians crowd around, bending over to look at Lucas.

**LUCAS**: I—I don't even know if I am a true Bohemian revolutionary.

**BOHEMIANS**: What!

**MOUTH**: Do you believe in beauty?

**LUCAS**: Yes.

**FELIX**: Freedom?

**LUCAS**: Yes, of course.

**JAKE: **Truth?

**LUCAS**: Yes.

**ANDY**: Love?

**LUCAS**: Love? Love. Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many-splendoured thing, love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!

The Bohemians are impressed.

**MOUTH**: See, you can't fool us! You're the voice of the children of the revolution!

**FELIX, JAKE AND ANDY**: We can't be fooled!

The Bohemians pull Lucas back up into Mouth's studio.

**MOUTH**: Let's drink to the new writer of the world's first bohemian revolutionary show!

**LUCAS**: _It was the perfect plan. I was to audition for Brooke, and I would taste my first glass of Absinthe._

Lucas and the Bohemians crowd around as Mouth prepares the absinthe. Lucas downs his glass.

_**(There was a boy…)**_

On the Absinthe bottle, the Green Fairy on the label comes to life.

**PEYTON:** I'm the Green Fairy!

Peyton flies off the Absinthe bottle and into the sky. Lucas and the Bohemians raise their glasses.

**PEYTON, LUCAS, and BOHEMIANS**:

_**The hills are alive with the sound of music!**_

As Peyton cavorts in the sky, Lucas and the Bohemians laugh hysterically.

_**(…a very strange enchanted boy…)**_

Lucas and the Bohemians, now in evening clothes, stand on the balcony outside Mouth's studio.

**LUCAS** **and the BOHEMIANS**: Yeah! Freedom, beauty, truth, and love!

As Lucas and the Bohemians sing, Peyton writes the words in the sky.

**PEYTON: **

_**The hills are alive. . . **_

**LUCAS** **and the BOHEMIANS**:

_**You won't fool the children of the revolution,**_

_**No, you won't fool the children. . .**_

**PEYTON: **

_**. . .with the sound of music!**_

_**Of the revolution, the revolution, **_

_**The revolution, of the revolution…**_

**LUCAS**: _We were off to the Moulin Rouge, and I was to perform my poetry for Brooke._

As the Peyton's eyes glow red, the windmill of the Moulin Rouge turns into a swirling vortex that pulls Lucas and the Bohemians in. Track quickly through the streets of Hollywood, through the doors of the Moulin Rouge, through the garden, and into the dance hall.


	3. T h e F a i n t i n g D i a m o n d

A/N: There have been some changes in the cast, Just two character.

* * *

CAST

Christian : Lucas Chambers

Satine : Brooke Davis

Toulouse-Lautrec : Marvin 'Mouth' McFadden

The Unconscious Argentinean : Felix Tagarro

Harold Zidler : Dan Scott

The Duke of Monroth : Nathan Lee

Satie : Jake Jagielski

The Doctor : Andy Hargrove

Le Chocolat : Skills

Nini Legs In The Air : Rachel Gatina

Marie : Karen Roe

La Petite Princess : Haley James

China Doll : Millicent Huxtable

The Green Fairy : Peyton Sawyer

Audrey : Chris Keller

Christian's Father : Keith Chambers

Mome Fromage: Bevin Mirskey

**

* * *

**

C

h a p t e r **2**

**F **a i n t i n g **D **i a m o n d s

* * *

Dan pokes his head through the red velvet curtains.

**DAN**: The Moulin Rouge!

Lucas gapes around at the Moulin Rouge in amazement.

**LUCAS**: _Dan Scott and his infamous girls. They called them his "Diamond Ravens."_

As Dan gestures, the Diamond Ravens appear from behind a mirrored wall. Lucas stares.

_**(The diamond ravens…)**_

**DIAMOND RAVENS:**

**Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? **

Dan and the Diamond Ravens begin their number, surrounded by the cheering rakes.

_**Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista. **_

_**Hey sista, go sista. . .**_

**DAN**:

**If life's an awful bore. . .**

_**. . .soul sista, flow sista. . .**_

**DAN**:

**. . .And living's just a chore **

**That we do. . .**

_**. . .Hey sista, go sista. . .**_

**DAN**:

**. . .'Cause death's not much fun. . .**

_**(. . .soul sista.)**_

**DIAMOND RAVENS:**

_**. . .Giuchie giuchie, ya ya. . .**_

**DAN**:

**. . .I have just the antidote. . .**

**DIAMOND RAVENS:**

_**. . .da da. . .**_

**DAN**:

**. . .And though I mustn't gloat, **

**At the Moulin Rouge!**

**You'll have fun!**

Mouth pulls one of the dancers onto his lap.

_**Oh la-la!**_

**DAN**:

**. . .Just scratch that little niggle, **

**Have a little wiggle. . .**

Lucas watches with amazement. The rakes grab at the dancers.

**DIAMOND RAVENS: **

_. . .__**Creole Lady Marmalade. . .**_

**DAN**:

**. . .You know that you can,**

**'Cause we can can-can!**

**DIAMOND RAVENS: **

_. . .__**Voulez-vous coucher**__**avec moi ce soir?**_

**DAN**:

**. . .Don't say you can't, can't, can't!**

**DIAMOND RAVENS:**

_. . .__**Voulez-vous coucher**__**avec moi?**_

**DAN**:

**. . .You know you can can-can!**

Cut to the street. Zoom in to the Moulin Rouge, through the doors, and into the garden. The rakes dance in a line. Lucas joins in hesitatingly with the Bohemians.

**RAKES: **

**Here we are now, entertain us! **

**We feel stupid and contagious!**

Zoom towards the doors to the dance hall. They open to reveal Dan and the Diamond Ravens.

**DAN**** :**

**Got some dark desire? **

**Love to play with fire? **

**Why not let it rip, live a little bit! **

**Can can-can!**

The Rakes and the Diamond Ravens dance towards each other.

**RAKES: **

_**Here we are now, entertain us!**_

**DAN**:

**Don't say you can't, can't, can't!**

**You know you can can-can!**

The Rakes and the Diamond Ravens dance together.

**DIAMOND RAVENS: **

**V**_**oulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?**_

**MEN:**

**'Cause we can can-can!**

Dan, in colour, and with a black umbrella, stands amid crowds of black-and-white people on the street while the rain falls and the lights of the Moulin Rouge behind him shine in colour.

**DAN**:

**Outside it may be raining. . . **

Dan turns with the umbrella to reveal an aerial shot of the Moulin Rouge, with the Rakes and Diamond Ravens dancing in the garden.

**DAN**:

**. . .But in here it's entertaining!**

In the garden of the Moulin Rouge, the rakes dance around Dan and the Diamond Ravens on a stage.

**DIAMOND RAVENS: **

**If you love, love, love**

**To be free, free, free**

Dan, back in the sky looks down at the Moulin Rouge, turns and falls towards it

**DAN**:

**Then the Moulin Rouge is the place to be! **

Dan back-flips through the garden into the dance hall.

**DAN**:

'**Cause we can can-can!**

**ALL: **

**We can!**

**DAN**:

**Yes we can can-can!**

**ALL: **

**We can!**

**RAKES: **

**Here we are now, entertain us!**

**DAN**:

**Outside things may be tragic, **

**But in here we feel it's magic! **

Dan, surrounded by Diamond Ravens, sings from a stage in the garden.

**RAKES:**

**Here we are now, entertain us!**

Dan, on the orchestra podium in the dance hall, encourages the crowd of Rakes and Diamond Ravens. He then holds up his arms for silence. The music stops and the crowd falls silent. Dan leans forward, and whispers:

**DAN**: The can-can.

The crows scatters. Dan flips a placard to read "Cancan". Slo-mo silence, then can-can chaos erupts.

**DAN**:

**Because we can can-can!**

The Diamond Ravens launch into their can-can routine while the Rakes cheer from the sides.

(_**Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista.**_

_**Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, go sista.**_

_**Giuchie giuchie ya ya da da **_

_**Giuchie giuchie ya ya here.)**_

**DAN**:

**Because we can can-can! **

**Yes we can can-can!**  
_**  
(Creole Lady Marmalade)**_

The Diamond Ravens entice the Rakes onto the dance floor.

**DAN**:

**Because we can can-can!**

**Yes we can can-can!**

**BOHEMIANS: **

**Well you can bump and grind...**

The Bohemians dance around Lucas.

**LUCAS: **

'**Cause it's good for your mind!**

Lucas joins the crowd dancing with the Diamond Ravens, then looks around at the debauchery surrounding him.

**RAKES:**

**Here we are now, entertain us!**

**DIAMOND RAVENS:**

**Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?**

**DAN:**

**We can can-can!**

_**(Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista.)**_

Mouth signals to Lucas.

**MOUTH**: Lucas!

**RAKES:**

**Here we are now, entertain us!**

**DIAMOND RAVENS:**

**Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?**

Lucas goes and sits down at the table with Mouth and the other Bohemians.

**MOUTH:** Mission accomplished! We successfully evaded Dan!

**DAN** :

**Cancan, cancan, cancan...**

The music fades and the lights dim. All look upwards as silver confetti falls from the ceiling.

**MOUTH:** It's her, the sparkling diamond.

Brooke descends from the ceiling on a diamond-studded trapeze. Lucas gapes.

**BROOKE: **

**The French are glad to die for love. . .**

Flash cut to Brooke fainting as a red petal falls on her face.

**BROOKE:**

**. . .They delight in fighting duels. . .**

Lucas stares open-mouthed at Brooke, while on the on the other side of the pillar next to him, Nathan, sitting with Dan, watches Brooke with beady eyes.

**LUCAS:** _But_ _someone else was to meet Satine that night. . ._

**BROOKE:**

. . .**But I prefer a man who lives. . .**

**LUCAS: **_. . .Dan's investor. . ._

**BROOKE:**

. . .**And gives expensive jewels.**

**LUCAS:** _. . .The Duke._

As the lights come up, Brooke circles above the crowd on her trapeze, touching the Rakes' outstretched hands.

Brooke steps off her trapeze and dances through the crowd as the Rakes thrust money and jewels at her.

**BROOKE:**

**A kiss on the hand may be quite continental,**

But diamonds are a…

**BROOKE** **and DIAMOND RAVENS**:

…**girl's best friend. **

**BROOKE:**

**A kiss may be grand, **

**But it won't pay the rental on your humble flat, **

**Or help you feed your pussycat. **

**BROOKE and** **DIAMOND RAVENS**:

**Men grow cold as girls grow old, **

**BROOKE:**

**And we all lose our charms in the end. **

**BROOKE** **and** **DIAMOND RAVENS**:

**But square cut or pear-shape,**

**These rocks don't lose their shape. **

**BROOKE:**

**Diamonds are a girl's best friend.**

Lucas and Nathan watch from the side.

**NATHAN:** When am I going to meet the girl?

**BROOKE:**

**Tiffany's!**

**DAN**: After her number. I've arranged a special meeting—just you and Mademoiselle Brooke, totally alone.

**BROOKE:**

**Cartier!**

**MOUTH**: After her number, I've arranged a private meeting, just you and Mademoiselle Brooke, totally alone.

**LUCAS:** Alone?

**MOUTH**: Yes. Totally alone.

**DAN**: Totally alone.

**BROOKE** and **DIAMOND RAVENS:**

'**Cause we are living in a material world, **

**And I am a material girl! **

**BROOKE:** Come and get me boys!

The Rakes dance around Brooke, then lift her into the air and carry her towards a stage.

**DAN**: Excuse me.

Dan leaves Nathan and makes his way through the crowd to join Brooke on the stage.

**BROOKE:**

**Black star, Roscor!**

**Talk to me Dan Scott, tell me all about it! **

**There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer,**

**DIAMOND RAVENS and DAN**:

**But diamonds are a girl's best friend. **

**BROOKE:**

**There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer**

**Thinks you're…**

**DAN**:

…**awful nice! **

**BROOKE: ****But get that ice or else no dice!**

Lucas gets up to go over to Brooke, but Mouth stops him.

**MOUTH**: Don't worry, don't worry I'll sally forth and tee things up!

As Mouth stands up, his cane knocks over a tray of drinks, spilling them on Nathan.

**DIAMOND RAVENS:**

**He's your guy when stocks are high,**

As Brooke and Dan continue with their number, they carry on a quiet conversation.

**BROOKE:** Is the Duke here, Dan?

**DAN**: _Liebchen_, would Daddy let you down?

**DIAMOND RAVENS:**

**But beware when they start to descend.**

Dan looks over to see Mouth wiping Nathan's shirt with his handkerchief.

**MOUTH**: I'm terribly sorry.

Brooke and Dan circle each other.

**BROOKE:**: Where is he?

**DAN**: He's the one Mouth is shaking a hanky at.

Mouth reaches round the pillar to take Lucas' handkerchief just as Brooke looks over to find the Nathan.

**MOUTH:**: Excuse me Lucas, may I borrow…?

**DIAMOND RAVENS:**

**Diamonds are a girl's best,**

**Diamonds are a girl's best,**

**Diamonds are a girl's best friend.**

Brooke turns back to Dan.

**BROOKE**: Are you sure?

**DAN**: Let me peek.

Brooke has her back to Lucas and Nathan, and Dan peers round her and sees Mouth again waving his handkerchief at an angry Nathan.

**MOUTH**: Let me finish. I'm ever so sorry! It's so embarrassing.

Dan turns back to Brooke.

**DAN**: That's the one, chickpea. I hope that demonic little loon doesn't frighten him off.

But Mouth has had enough of Nathan.

**MOUTH**: Clean yourself off, you bourgeois pig!

Mouth throws the handkerchief in Nathan's face. Tim, Nathan's manservant, pulls aside his jacket to reveal a gun.

**MOUTH**: Sorry, sorry.

Brooke and Dan duck behind a circle of Diamond Ravens for a costume change.

**BROOKE: **Will he invest?

**DAN**: Pigeon! After spending the night with you, how could he refuse?

**BROOKE:** What's his type? Wilting flower? Bright and bubbly? Or smouldering temptress?

**DAN**: I'd say smouldering temptress. We're all relying on you, gosling. Remember, a real show, in a real theatre, with a real audience. And you'll be...

**BROOKE: **A real actress...

Brooke leaps up to finish the song. Mouth tries to get her attention from the crowd.

**BROOKE:**

**Cause that's when those louses. . .**

**MOUTH**: Bejewelled vision!

**BROOKE:**

**. . .Go back to their spouses. . .**

**MOUTH**: Amazonian goddess!

Two Clowns carry Brooke on their shoulders towards the table where Dan is sitting.

**BROOKE:**

**. . .Diamonds are a. . .**

**MOUTH**: I've got some exciting news!

Brooke arrives in front of Lucas as she sings the last notes of the song.

**BROOKE:**** . . .girl's best friend.**

Lucas looks up at her, dumbstruck.

**BROOKE:**

I believe you were expecting me.

**LUCAS**: Yes. Yes.

Brooke turns to the crowd smiling.

**BROOKE:**: I'm afraid it's lady's choice.

The Bohemians clap Lucas on the back as Brooke works the crowd.

**MEN:** Brooke! Brooke! Brooke! Brooke!

**MOUTH**: I see you've already met my English friend.

**BROOKE:** I'll take care of it, Mouth. [Turning to Lucas] Let's dance.

Brooke pulls Lucas onto the crowded dance floor.

**MOUTH**: Hit her with your most modern poem!

Brooke starts dancing, but Lucas just stares, overwhelmed, until two rakes push him towards Brooke.

**HALEY:**

**Feel the beat of the rhythm of the night,**

**Dance until the morning light.**

**Forget about the worries on your mind,**

**You can leave them all behind.**

**Feel the beat of the rhythm of the night,**

**Dance until the morning light.**

**Forget about the worries on your mind,**

**You can leave them all behind.**

The Bohemians can't believe their luck.

**JAKE:** That went well.

**ANDY**: Incredible!

**FELIX** He has a gift with the women.

**MOUTH**: I told you, he's a genius.

Brooke and Lucas dance, Lucas somewhat hesitatingly at first, unsure of some of the more risqué moves, but then he gets into it. Dan watches from the back, unable to see Lucas' face.

**DAN**: That duke certainly can dance!

**BROOKE:** So wonderful of you to take an interest in our little show.

**LUCAS**: It sounds very exciting. I'd be delighted to be involved.

**BROOKE:** Really?

**LUCAS**: Assuming you like what I do, of course.

**BROOKE:** I'm sure I will.

Lucas dips his hat to the watching Bohemians, much to their delight.

_**(Here we are now. . .)**_

**LUCAS**: Toulouse thought we might be able to, um, do it in private.

_**(Here we are now. . .)**_

**BROOKE**: Did he?

**LUCAS**: Yes. You know, uh, a private poetry reading.

_**(. . .Entertain us. . .)**_

**BROOKE**: Ohh!

_**(Here we are now. . .)**_

**BROOKE**: Mmm, a poetry reading. I love a little poetry after supper.

**RAKES:**

. . .**Entertain us!**

**Here we are now, entertain us!**

**We feel stupid…**

**BROOKE:** Hang onto your hats!

Brooke kicks off Lucas' hat, as the Diamond Ravens kick off the hats of the Rakes. Hats everywhere fly into the air.

The Los Angeles cityscape at night. Above the Moulin Rouge, the only spot of colour and light, top hats explode into the air.

Back in the Moulin Rouge, the men catch their hats as Brooke, back on her trapeze, launches into the finale of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" as she makes her exit.

**BROOKE:**

**Diamonds! Diamonds!**

The Rakes and Diamond Ravens, holding hands, form a circle around her trapeze as it ascends, dancing.

**BROOKE**:

**Square cut or pear-shape, **

**These rocks don't lose their shape; **

Lucas is back sitting with the Bohemians, who are overjoyed.

**MOUTH:** Fantastic!

But Lucas can't take his eyes off Brooke.

**BROOKE**:

**Diamonds are a girl's best...**

But as Brooke reaches the final chords of the song, and the crowd beneath her raises their arms in anticipation, she suddenly gasps for breath. Lucas is spellbound, Dan looks on in concern, and the crowd throws their arms in the air for the big finale, but Brooke can't catch her breath and faints, falling from the trapeze.

**DAN**: NO!

Brooke is saved by Skills, who catches her and looks to Dan. Dan motions for Brooke to be taken backstage. As Brooke is carried off, Lucas looks worried. The Crowd looks uncertain, but Dan starts clapping, as though it had all been planned. The Crowd follows suit.

**DAN:** Brooke! Brooke! Brooke! Brooke!

**CROWD:** Brooke! Brooke! Brooke! Brooke!

Skills carries Brooke backstage and places her on a couch. The Diamond Ravens look on.

**RACHEL**: Don't know if that Duke's going to get his money's worth tonight.

**BEVIN**: Don't be unkind, Rachel.

**HALEY**: She fainted, just fainted.

Back in the dance hall, the Stage Manager motions to Dan that Brooke won't be coming back.

**CROWD**: Brooke! Brooke! Brooke! Brooke!

Dan motions for the Crowd's silence.

**DAN**: You frightened her away! But I can see some lonely Moulin Rouge dancers out there who are looking for a partner or two. So if you can hunk-hunk, you can hunkadola with them!

The crowd cheers, and the band strikes up. Lucas looks confused.

**BANDLEADER**: All together now!

Backstage, Brooke's dresser, Karen, hurries over to her with smelling salts.

**KAREN**: Out of my way. Quickly.

Karen waves the smelling salts under Brooke's nose, and Brooke comes to.

**BROOKE**: Oh, Karen... Oh, these silly costumes.

**KAREN**: Just a little fainting spell.

**STAGE MANAGER:** All right you girls, get back out front and make those gents thirsty. Problems?

**KAREN**: Nothing for you to be worrying about.

**STAGE MANAGER**: Don't just stand around, then.

Brooke starts coughing, and Karen holds a handkerchief to her mouth. When Brooke turns away, sees blood on it. Brooke doesn't notice. Karen looks grave.


	4. Poetry, Champagne and Investors

CAST

Christian : Lucas Chambers

Satine : Brooke Davis

Toulouse-Lautrec : Marvin 'Mouth' McFadden

The Unconscious Argentinean : Felix Tagarro

Harold Zidler : Dan Scott

The Duke of Monroth : Nathan Lee

Satie : Jake Jagielski

The Doctor : Andy Hargrove

Le Chocolat : Skills

Nini Legs In The Air : Rachel Gatina

Marie : Karen Roe

La Petite Princess : Haley James

China Doll : Millicent Huxtable

The Green Fairy : Peyton Sawyer

Audrey : Chris Keller

Christian's Father : Keith Chambers

Mome Fromage: Bevin Mirskey

**

* * *

**

C

h a p t e r **3**

**P** o e t r y , **C** h a m p a g n e a n d **I **n v e s t o r s

* * *

Back in the dance hall, things are in full swing.

**SKILLS:**

**Come out of the garden baby, **

**You'll catch your death in the fog.**

**Young girls, they call them the diamond dogs!**

In the garden, Nathan is getting impatient.

**NATHAN:** [to Tim] Find Dan. The girl's waiting for me.

Backstage, Brooke is getting ready to meet Nathan

**KAREN:** That twinkle-toes Duke has really taken the bait, girl. With a patron like him, you could be the next Sarah Bernhardt.

**BROOKE: **Oh Karen, do you really think I could be like the great Sarah?

**KAREN: **Why not? You've got the talent. You hook that Duke and you'll be lining up the great stages of Europe.

**BROOKE:** I'm going to be a real actress Karen, a great actress. I'm going to fly away from here. [to her bird] Oh yes, we can fly, fly away from here!

Dan rushes in.

**DAN:** Duckling! Is everything alright?

**BROOKE:** Oh yes. Of course, Dan.

**DAN:** Oh thank goodness! You certainly weaved your magic with that duke on the dance floor.

**BROOKE:** How do I look?

Brooke spins around to face Dan.

**BROOKE:** Smouldering temptress?

**DAN:** Oh, my little strawberry! How can he possibly resist from gobbling you up? Everything's going so well!

Lucas, holding his hat in his hands, nervously stands framed in the heart-shaped entrance at the front of the elephant. The Bohemian are watching in the garden below.

_**(I'll meet you in the red room, **_

_**Close the door and dim the lights.**_

_**I will be yours truly **_

_**If indeed the price is right.)**_

**MOUTH:** Unbelievable! Straight to the elephant!

The Red Room in the belly of the elephant. Brooke enters, behind Lucas.

**BROOKE:** This is a wonderful place for a poetry reading, don't you think?

Surprised, Lucas turns to face Brooke, and takes in her black lingerie ensemble with some surprise. Lucas is very nervous.

**BROOKE:** Hmm? Poetic enough for you?

**LUCAS:** Yes.

The Bohemians climb up the back of the elephant.

**BROOKE:** A little, uh, supper? Maybe some Champagne?

Brooke turns to a trolley with food and drink on it, and picks up a bottle of Champagne from the ice bucket.

**LUCAS:** I'd rather just, um, get it over and done with.

Annoyed, Brooke, with her back to Lucas, drops the Champagne back into the ice.

**BROOKE:** Oh.

Brooke composes herself, and turns to face Lucas.

**BROOKE:** Very well. Then why don't you come down here?

Brooke walks over to the bed and lies down on it seductively.

**BROOKE:**. . .And let's get it over and done with.

**LUCAS:** I-I prefer to do it standing.

Brooke can't disguise her surprise.

**BROOKE:** Oh!

**LUCAS:** You don't have to stand, I mean. It's sometimes that it's quite long, and I'd like you to be comfortable. It's quite modern what I do, and it may feel a little strange at first, but – but I think if you're open, then—then you might enjoy it.

A little confused, Brooke nonetheless retains her professional composure.

**BROOKE:** I'm sure I will.

**LUCAS:** Excuse me.

Lucas turns away from Brooke to compose himself, then turns to face her, but he is very nervous.

**LUCAS:** The—the sky is—is...with the bluebirds....

Brooke, unsure of how to react, sighs erotically, and Lucas nervously turns away again.

**LUCAS:** I know. Come on, come on.

Lucas turns to face Brooke again, who lies back on the bed and moans.

**LUCAS:** I think…

Lucas turns away again.

**LUCAS:** There might be some shaking. Oh, riki-tiki-tiki-tiki.

Brooke is getting a little annoyed, and she sits up on the bed, trying to appear concerned

**BROOKE:** Um, is everything all right?

**LUCAS:** Um, I'm a little nervous. It's just sometimes it takes a little while for…

Lucas nervously looks down, and Brooke thinks she understands.

**BROOKE:** Oh!

**LUCAS:** …you know, inspiration to come.

**BROOKE:** Oh, yes, yes, yes. Let Mummy help, hmm?

Brooke walks over to Lucas and grabs his crotch. Lucas gasps.

**BROOKE:** Does that inspire you?

Brooke throws Lucas onto the bed, and growls.

**BROOKE:** Let's make love!

**LUCAS:** Make love?

Brooke climbs on top of Lucas, who is genuinely confused.

**BROOKE:** You want to, don't you?

**LUCAS:** Well, I came to...

**BROOKE:** No, tell the truth.

Brooke undoes Lucas' tie.

**BROOKE:** Can't you feel the poetry?

**LUCAS:** What?

Outside, the Bohemians have lowered Mouth so he can spy in the window.

**BROOKE:** Oh, come on. Feel it. Free the tiger!

Brooke undoes Lucas' pants.

**BROOKE:** Big boy!

Mouth, looking in the window, reports to the Bohemians.

**MOUTH**: He's got a huge talent!

**BROOKE:** Yes, I need your poetry now!

**LUCAS:** Oh, all right.

Confused, but eager to please, Lucas throws Brooke off him and stands up, pulling himself together.

**LUCAS:** It's a little bit funny.

Brooke is really confused now.

**BROOKE:** What?

**LUCAS:** This f-feeling in-inside. I'm not one of those who can—who can easily hide. Is this—is this okay, is this what you want?

Brooke, trying to figure out what he wants, thinks she understands at last.

**BROOKE:** Ohh, poetry, yes. Yes. Yes, this is what I want, naughty words! Oh!

Brooke starts to roll around erotically on the bed, moaning.

**LUCAS:** I—I don't have much money, but. . .

**BROOKE:** Oh! Naughty!

**LUCAS:** . . .but boy if I did. . .

**BROOKE:** Oh, yes!

Lucas is a little confused by Brooke's response, but he continues.

**LUCAS:** . . .I'd buy a big house where we both—both could live.

**BROOKE:** Oh, I love them! Oh, it's so good!

**LUCAS:** If I were a sculptor—

**BROOKE:** Wonderful!

Brooke rolls off the bed and crawls across the floor.

**LUCAS:**. . .but then again, no.

**BROOKE:** Wonderful.

**LUCAS:** Or a man who makes potions at a traveling show.

Brooke starts rolling around in a fur blanket on the floor.

**BROOKE:** Oh don't! Don't!

Lucas pauses.

**BROOKE:** No, no, no. Don't stop!

**LUCAS:** I know it's not much. . .

**BROOKE:** Give me more! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh!

By now, Lucas is giving Brooke funny looks, but still he manages to continue with his poetry.

**LUCAS:** . . .But it's the best I can do.

**BROOKE:** Oh, naughty! Don't stop! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Finally, Lucas turns his back on Brooke to look out the window, and he breaks into song.

**LUCAS:**

**My gift is my song. . .**

On top of the elephant, the Bohemians pause in their drinking.

As Lucas' song echoes across the Los Angels cityscape, lights flicker on in a wave across the city.

Brooke stops rolling around on the floor and looks up at Lucas.

**LUCAS:**

**. . .and this one's for you. **

Lucas turns to look at Brooke.

**LUCAS:**

**And you can tell everybody that this is your song. **

**It may be quite simple, but now that it's done, **

**I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, **

**That I put down in words, **

**How wonderful life is, now you're in the world. **

Lucas turns and walks towards the front of the elephant. Brooke gets up and follows him.

**LUCAS:**

**Sat on the roof and I kicked off the moss, **

**Well some of these verses, well, they, they got me quite cross. **

**But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song; **

Lucas turns to face Brooke, and they slowly walk towards each other as he sings to her.

**LUCAS:**

**It's for people like you that keep it turned on. **

**So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do, **

**You see I've forgotten if they're green or if they're blue. **

Lucas takes Brooke's hands as she smiles at him somewhat uncertainly.

**LUCAS:**

**Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean, **

**Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen. **

Lucas spins Brooke around, and they leap out of the elephant on a beam of starlight, and into the night sky.

**LUCAS:**

**And you can tell everybody that this is your song. **

As silver rain falls, Lucas opens an umbrella, and they step up onto the roof of a building.

**LUCAS:**

**It may be quite simple, but now that it's done. . .**

Taking the umbrella, Lucas dances across the sky and leaps up onto the Hollywood hill, tossing the umbrella to one side. He and Brooke dance towards each other, meeting in the middle of the sky.

**LUCAS:**

**I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, **

**That I put down in words,**

**How wonderful life is, now you're in the world.**

Lucas picks Brooke up and spins her around in his arms.

**MOUTH**: Looks like he got the job!

As Lucas spins Brooke round, dissolve back to them in the elephant. Lucas dips Brooke, and she looks up at him as the song ends.

**BROOKE:** Oh, I can't believe it. I'm in love. I'm in love with a young, handsome, talented duke.

**LUCAS:** Duke?

**BROOKE:** Not that the title's important, of course.

**LUCAS:** I'm not a duke.

**BROOKE:** Not a duke?

Not paying attention, Brooke leans in to kiss Lucas.

**LUCAS:** I'm a writer.

Realising, Brooke pulls back.

**BROOKE:** A writer?

**LUCAS:** Yes, a writer.

Brooke steps away from Lucas.

**BROOKE:** No!

Mouth is hanging upside down in front of the window, watching them.

**LUCAS:** Mouth?

**BROOKE:** Mouth? Oh no, you're not another one of Mouth's oh-so-talented, charmingly bohemian, tragically impoverished protégés?

**LUCAS:**: You might say that, yes.

**BROOKE:** Oh no! I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kill him!

**MOUTH**: [to the Bohemians]I think there might be a small hitch.

Lucas is confused.

**LUCAS:** Mouth told me…

But Brooke crosses the room to the door. Lucas follows.

**BROOKE:** What about the duke?

Brooke opens the door, to find Dan and Nathan on the other side.

**DAN:** My dear Duke…

Brooke quickly shuts the door, and turns to Lucas.

**BROOKE:** The Duke!

**LUCAS:** The Duke?

**BROOKE:** Hide! Out the back!

Brooke rushes across the room to show Lucas out, but Dan opens the door, and Lucas has to duck behind Brooke to avoid being seen.

**DAN:** My dear, are you decent for the Duke?

Brooke turns to face Dan, as Lucas tries to peer around her legs to see Nathan, but Brooke pushes him to one side.

**DAN:** Where were you?

Brooke leans against the drinks trolley, allowing Lucas to crawl behind it.

**BROOKE:** I—uh, I was waiting.

**DAN:** Dearest Duke, allow me to introduce Mademoiselle Brooke.

**BROOKE:** Monsieur, how kind of you to take time out of your busy schedule to visit.

Lucas peers over the drinks trolley to look at Nathan, but Brooke gives him a Look, so he ducks back behind it.

**NATHAN:** The pleasure, I fear, will be entirely mine, my dear.

**DAN:** I'll leave you two squirrels to get better acquainted. Ta-ta.

Dan leaves, as Nathan takes Brooke's hand and kisses it. Lucas peers around Brooke, trying to figure out what's going on.

**NATHAN:** A kiss on the hand may be quite continental.

**BROOKE:** But diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Brooke takes Nathan's hat and stick, and sits on the bed. Lucas peers over the drinks trolley.

**NATHAN:** Well, after tonight's pretty exertions on the stage, you must surely be in need of refreshment, my dear.

Nathan turns to get the Champagne, Lucas dives to the ground behind the trolley, and Brooke leaps off the bed, trying to distract Nathan so he won't see Lucas.

**BROOKE:** DON'T!... you just love the view, hmm?

Nathan turns towards her.

**NATHAN:** Charming.

Nathan turns back to the drinks trolley.

**BROOKE:** OH! I feel like dancing!

Brooke begins to dance, and Nathan watches her for a moment, confused. Lucas sits up and looks over the drinks trolley again to see what's going on.

**NATHAN:** You see, my dear, I should like a glass of Champagne.

Nathan turns back to get the Champagne; Brooke is getting desperate.

**BROOKE:** NO! It's…

Nathan turns to her in annoyance. Suddenly, Brooke has an inspiration.

**BROOKE:** It's a little bit funny.

**NATHAN:** What is?

Lucas looks up from behind Nathan.

**BROOKE:** This. . .

**LUCAS:** [whispering to Brooke] Feeling.

**BROOKE:**. .feeling. . .

**LUCAS:** [whispering] Inside.

**BROOKE:**. . .inside.

**LUCAS:** [whispering] I'm not one of those.

**BROOKE:** I'm not one of those who can easily. . .

**LUCAS:** [whispering] Hide.

**BROOKE:**: . . .hide!

But as Lucas is gesturing to Brooke, he knocks something over which makes a crash. Nathan turns around as Lucas throws himself down behind the drinks trolley, and Brooke throws herself at Nathan's feet to make him look at her.

**BROOKE:** I don't have much money, but oh, if I did, oh, I'd buy a big house where we both could live.

Brooke gestures to Lucas through Nathan's legs to go out the door while she distracts the Nathan.

**BROOKE:**

**I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind,**

**That I put down in words, **

**How wonderful life is, now you're in the world.**

As Brooke sings, she slowly stands up in front of Nathan, while Lucas stands up behind him. When Brooke finishes singing, Nathan has stars in his eyes.

**NATHAN:** My dear, that's very beautiful.

**BROOKE:** It's from 'Spectacular Spectacular'. Suddenly with you here, I finally understood the true meaning of those words: 'How wonderful life is, now you're in the world.'

Brooke watches over Nathan's shoulder as Lucas makes his way to the door and opens it, only to find Tim on the other side.

**NATHAN:** And what meaning is that, my dear?

Lucas shuts the door, and tries to hide himself in the corner. To distract Nathan, Brooke throws herself on the bed.

**NATHAN:** No! No! Duke! Don't you toy with my emotions! You—you must know the effect you have on women.

Nathan looks smug. Brooke pulls him down on top of her.

**BROOKE:** Let's make love! You want to, don't you?

**NATHAN:** Make love?

Behind Nathan's back, Brooke motions for Lucas to leave by the front of the elephant. Lucas runs across the room.

**BROOKE**: Oh, I knew you felt the same way. Oh! Oh! Duke!

Lucas pauses.

**BROOKE**: [whispering to Lucas] Get out of here or he'll kill you!

Lucas gives Brooke a pleading look.

**BROOKE**: [to Nathan] Yes, you're right. We should wait until opening night.

Brooke looks at Lucas. Lucas looks happier, and hides behind a screen in the elephant's head.

**NATHAN:** Wait? Wait?

**BROOKE**: There's a power in you that scares me. You should go.

**NATHAN:** I just got here.

**BROOKE**: Yes, but we'll see each other every day during rehearsal. We—we must wait, we must wait until opening night. Get out.

Brooke pushes Nathan out and shuts the door. Lucas appears from behind the screen, and Brooke turns to face him.

**BROOKE**: Do you have any idea— any idea, what would have happened if you were found? Oh...

Brooke faints, and Lucas catches her in his arms.

**LUCAS**: Oh! Oh, my God! Brooke?

Lucas shakes Brooke, to wake her up.

In his office across the garden, Dan gets out his telescope.

**DAN:** Let's have a little peek-a-boo.

Dan looks into the elephant, and sees the back of a man in a tuxedo thrusting with Brooke.

**DAN**: Oh, right on target.

Back in the elephant, Lucas is trying to figure out what to do with Brooke.

**LUCAS**: Right. I'll just put her in bed. I'll put you in bed.

The Bohemians peer around the window of the elephant. Lucas manages to get Brooke on the bed, but falls on top of her, and at this moment, Nathan walks in.

**NATHAN**: I forgot my hat.

Lucas looks up.

**NATHAN**: Foul play?

**LUCAS**: She...I…

Brooke wakes up.

**BROOKE**: Oh, Duke...

**NATHAN**: It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside.

**BROOKE**: Beautifully spoken, Duke. Yes, let me introduce you to the writer.

**NATHAN**: The writer?

**BROOKE**: Yes. Oh yes. We were— we were rehearsing.

Brooke and Lucas stand up. Nathan comes in and closes the door.

**NATHAN**: Ha ha-ha. You expect me to believe that, scantily clad, in the arms of another man, in the middle of the night, inside an elephant, you were rehearsing?

Luckily, right at that moment, the Bohemians, who had been watching the whole thing, burst in. Lucas and Brooke turn around in surprise. Nathan looks shocked.

**MOUTH**: How's the rehearsal going? Shall we take it from the top, my queen?

**JAKE:** I hope the piano's in tune.

**FELIX:** Sorry, we got held up.

**ANDY**: Can I offer you a drink?

In his office, Dan is looking through his telescope again, and sees the crowd that is now in the elephant.

**DAN: **Oh my goodness!

Dan rushes out of his office.

Back in the elephant, Brooke has composed herself.

**BROOKE**: When I spoke those words to you before, you—you filled me with such inspiration. Yes, I realised how much work we had to do before tomorrow, so I called everyone together for an emergency rehearsal.

**NATHAN**: If you're rehearsing, where's Mr. Scott?

**BROOKE**: We didn't bother Dan...

But just then, Dan bursts in, apologising.

**DAN:** My dear Duke, I'm most terribly sorry.

**BROOKE**: Dan! You made it! It's all right, the duke knows all about the emergency rehearsal.

**DAN**: Emergency rehearsal?

**BROOKE**: Mmm, to incorporate the duke's artistic idea.

**DAN:** Yes, well I'm sure Chris will be only too delighted...

**MOUTH**: Chris' left.

**DAN:** He's what?

**BROOKE**: Dan, the cat's out of the bag. Yes, the duke's already a big fan of our new writer's work. That's why he's so keen to invest.

**DAN:** Invest? Invest! Oh yes, well, invest! You can hardly blame me for trying to hide, uh...

**LUCAS**: Lucas.

**MOUTH**: Lucas.

**DAN:** Lucas away.

**NATHAN**: I'm way ahead of you, Mr. Scott.

Lucas looks to Mouth happily—he's gotten the job.

**DAN: **My dear duke, why don't you and I go to my office to peruse the paperwork.

**NATHAN**: What's the story?

**DAN:** The story?

**NATHAN**: Well, if I'm to invest, I'll need to know the story.

Obviously, Dan has no idea. Brooke gives him a worried look—she hadn't thought about this.

**DAN:** Ah yes. Well, the story's about...Mouth?

All look to Mouth.

**MOUTH**: Well, the story—the story's about…well, it's about um…

**LUCAS**: It's about love!

**NATHAN**: [with a sneer] Love?

**LUCAS**: It's about love overcoming all obstacles.

Lucas looks meaningfully at Brooke as he says this.

**MOUTH**: And it's set in Switzerland!

Puzzled looks all round.

**NATHAN**: [alarmed] Switzerland?

**DAN:** Exotic Switzerland!

Lucas looks around, sees a statue of Ganesh, and is inspired.

**LUCAS**: India. India! It's set in India.

Lucas walks toward Brooke.

**LUCAS**: And there's a courtesan, the most beautiful courtesan in all the world.

Lucas turns to Nathan.

**LUCAS**: But her kingdom's invaded by an evil maharajah. Now, in order to save her kingdom, she has to seduce the evil maharajah, but, on the night of the seduction, she mistakes a penniless po—

Lucas pauses, realising he'd better not give too much away, and his eyes fall on a sitar.

**LUCAS**: A penniless— a penniless sitar player. . .

Lucas picks up the sitar.

**LUCAS**: . . .for the evil maharajah, and she falls in love with him! [to Brooke] He wasn't trying to trick her or anything, but he was dressed as a maharajah because— because he's appearing in a play.

Felix grabs the sitar from Lucas.

**FELIX:** I will play the penniless tango-dancing sitar player. He will sing like an angel, but dance like the devil!

**NATHAN**: Yes. Yes, all right. And— and what happens next?

**LUCAS**: Well, the penniless sitar player and the courtesan, they have to hide their love from the evil maharajah.

**JAKE**: The penniless sitar player's sitar is magical. It can only speak the truth.

Mouth takes the sitar from Felix.

**MOUTH**: And— and I will play the magical sitar.

Mouth turns to Brooke, imitating the sound of the sitar.

**MOUTH**: You are beautiful. . .

Mouth turns to Dan, imitating the sound of the sitar.

**MOUTH**: . . .you are ugly. . .

Mouth turns to Nathan.

**MOUTH**: . . .and you are…

All clap their hands over Mouth's mouth.

**NATHAN**:Yes, yes, yes. And he gives the game away, eh?

**ALL EXCEPT** **NATHAN**: Yes!

**DAN**: [to Lucas] Tell him about the can-can.

**LUCAS:** The— the— the tantric can-can. It's…

Dan pushes Lucas to one side and addresses Nathan.

**DAN**: It's an erotic spectacular scene that captures the thrusting, violent, vibrant, wild bohemian spirit that this whole production embodies, Duke.

Lucas, Brooke, and the Bohemians assemble behind Dan.

**NATHAN**: What do you mean by that?

**DAN**: I mean the show will be a magnificent, opulent, tremendous, stupendous, gargantuan bedazzlement, a sensual ravishment. It will be...

Dan turns and gestures. Lucas, Brooke, and the Bohemians do the same, as Jake does a glissando on the piano. As Dan sings, he twirls from one side of Nathan to the other.

**DAN:**

**Spectacular Spectacular! **

**No words in the vernacular **

**Can describe this great event.**

**You'll be dumb with wonderment. **

**Returns are fixed at ten percent— **

**You must agree, that's excellent. **

Dan walks backwards, away from Nathan.

**DAN:**

**And on top of your fee. . .**

Lucas, Brooke, Mouth, Felix and Andy come up behind Dan. Jake is playing the piano.

**ALL EXCEPT** **NATHAN**:

**. . .you'll be involved artistically. **

Lucas, Brooke, Dan, Mouth, Felix and Andy advance towards Nathan.

**ALL EXCEPT** **NATHAN**:

**So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! **

**So delighting it will run for fifty years! **

**So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! **

Nathan looks slightly alarmed. He backs up and sits down in a chair.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN**:

**So delighting it will run for fifty years!**

Mouth makes an elephant trunk with his arms.

**MOUTH: **

**Elephants!**

Andy, with a bong, makes a peace sign.

**ANDY: **

**Bohemians!**

Dan does an Indian dance move.

**DAN: **

**Indians!**

Brooke strikes a pose.

**BROOKE: **

**And courtesans!**

Jake is swinging on the chandelier.

**JAKE: **

**Acrobats!**

Lucas points to Felix, wearing the fur rug from earlier, and juggling.

**LUCAS: **

**And juggling bears!**

Mouth has the curtain draped round him.

**MOUTH**:

**Exotic girls!**

Andy breathes fire.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN**:

**Fire-eaters! **

All strike various poses while they sing.

**ALL EXCEPT** **NATHAN**:

**Muscle-men, contortionists! Intrigue, danger...**

**MOUTH**:

**And romance!**

**ALL EXCEPT** **NATHAN**:

**Electric lights! Machinery!**

**MOUTH**:

**All run with electricity!**

All dance in a circle around Nathan.

**ALL EXCEPT** **NATHAN**:

**So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! **

**So delighting, it will run for fifty years!**

All dance in towards Nathan.

**ALL EXCEPT** **NATHAN**:

**So exciting the audience will stomp and cheer! **

All dance backwards, away from Nathan.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN:**

**So delighting it will run for fifty years! **

On their knees, All march on the spot.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN:**

**Spectacular Spectacular, **

**No words in the vernacular **

**Can describe this great event! **

All point at Nathan.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN:**

**You'll be dumb with wonderment!**

Nathan looks over at Jake playing the piano with his feet on top of it.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN:** [Indian-like, with various props.]

**The hills are alive with the sound of music!**

All jump up and down with their arms at their sides.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN: **

**So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! **

**So delighting, it will run for fifty years!**

All run towards Nathan and pick up his chair.

**ALL EXCEPT THE DUKE**:

**So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer! **

**So delighting, it will run for fifty years!**

All strike a final pose together in front of Nathan.

**NATHAN**: Yes, but what happens in the end?

All look at one another, then jump up and run round grabbing props, before disappearing behind a curtain. Mouth sets a lamp in front of the curtain, and then Lucas appears in front of the curtain and clears his throat. Jake turns the lights out, except for the lamps that light the stage. Lucas steps to one side as the curtain opens to reveal Felix, in a makeshift turban, and Brooke, with fans in her hair and a jewelled headband, in an embrace.

**LUCAS: **

**The courtesan and sitar-man **

**Are pulled apart by an evil plan.**

Andy, in a black cloak, separates Brooke and the Felix.

**BROOKE: **

**But in the end she hears his song.**

Onstage, Brooke and the Felix come together.

**LUCAS: **

**And their love is just too strong.**

Brooke turns to look at Lucas.

**NATHAN**** :**

**It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside.**

All look at Nathan, then Brooke, Lucas, Felix, and Mouth form a kick-line while Dan, Andy, and Jake do a scene change.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN: **

**So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer!**

**So delighting, it will run for fifty years!**

Lucas steps off the side. Brooke and Felix take their places onstage as Jake pulls a screen across behind them. Mouth, holding the sitar, falls down.

**LUCAS: **

**Sitar player's secret song **

**Helps them flee the evil one.**

Brooke and Felix crouch beneath the screen while a toy maharajah and horse gallops along the top of it.

**LUCAS: **

**Though the tyrant rants and rails,**

**It is all to no avail.**

Jake pushes the screen off as Felix and Brooke cower as the toy horse rears up. Behind it, Dan, in a makeshift turban, and with a blanket tied round his shoulders, appears.

**DAN**: I am the evil maharajah! You will not escape!

All bow down before him. Nathan, drink in hand, is amused. Brooke sits up.

**BROOKE**: Oh, Dan, no-one could play him like you could!

**DAN**: No-one's going to.

All clustered on top of the piano.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN: **

**So exciting, we'll make them laugh, we'll make them cry!**

All in a line in front of Nathan.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN:**

**So delighting...**

**NATHAN**: And in the end should someone die?

All pause and look at each other.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN: **

**So exciting the audience will stomp and cheer! **

All dance backwards, then run towards Nathan in pairs, then split off and run round setting up for the final pose.

**ALL EXCEPT NATHAN:**

**So delighting it will run for fifty years!**

The song ends with a flourish. Nathan stares at the elaborate tableaux in front of him: All are various poses as befit their roles in the production; Mouth has somehow ended up on Tim's shoulders.

**NATHAN:** Generally, I like it.

All run towards Nathan, cheering.

**LUCAS**: _Dan had an investor. And the bohemians had a show._


End file.
